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On the Lighter Side
Fairy Dogparents received this via email and thought it might amuse other animal lovers
too. The author is unknown.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are
mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I
will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also
know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door
shut, it's not necessary to claw, whine, meow, or try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the
door open I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years, canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell
the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain
About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
I like my pets a lot better than most people.
To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
Dogs and cats are better than kids They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when
called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having
to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant,
you can sell the children.
The Puppy Press Archives
Click a link below to read other online additions of The Puppy Press:
A Reminder on Heat Stroke - August 2004
How to be a Responsible Pet Owner - September 2004
Does Your Pet Have Separation Anxiety? - October 2004
Happy Holidays with your Pets - November 2004
Canine Rivalry & Dog Aggression in the Home - December 2004
A List of Shelters & Rescue Groups in Minnesota
How To Help a Lost Pet - February 2005
What to Do About Puppy Biting and Jumping - March 2005
Life Lessons I've Learned from my Pets - April 2005
Outdoor vs. Indoor Cats - May 2005
Flea and Tick Protection - June 2005
Hot Spots - July 2005
Submissive and Excitement Urination - August 2005